Sunday, June 24, 2007

"I'm on the pill"

"I'm on the pill."

Simultaneously the best and worst thing a girl could say to me before sex.

One part of me is always overjoyed to hear those four words. "NO CONDOM!!!!!" sings my penis in a Rob Halford-esque falsetto. Condoms to me are like cock kryptonite. And ususally, hearing those words means I don't have to wear one.

"NEITHER DID ANY OF THOSE OTHER DUDES!!!" screams my brain. Images flash across my mind of gallons of other dudes semen gushing out of this girls vagina, leaving behind STDs like a glacier leaves sediment. I mean lord know's who she's been with (although I suppose I'm no one to talk), and lord knows how many of them (for what it's worth I do believe that on the whole, women have more partners than men).

Ususally my penis wins these arguments. He's like an irresponsible teenager, and no matter what his parents (my brain) tell him he's just not gonna listen. I hope he wises up some day. His luck might be running out.

As odd as it sounds, a girl making me wear a condom is kinda sexy. Not so much the stuffing my cock into a poorly designed ballon, but the idea that she's concerned about her (and I suppose my) sexual health.

A buddy of mine and I once got into an argument about this. I exclaimed "Unprotected Sex is the best!". He proclaimed "Unprotected Sex is the worst!"

We both immediately let out a "well, actually.....", and validated each others statements.

I suppose that will always be the case.

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